#TBT Uncategorized

Why it’s Okay to lose a best friend.

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I’ve been reading a few of the dear best friends posts on social media and blogs and reading then made me realise a lot. Just because someone claimed to be there for you through thick and thin – the likelihood of it is – they’re not. People grow apart, and thats okay. You don’t need to try and hold on to your best friend  like i did.

Dear Best friend,

You can blame me, you can come up with a million reasons as to why you don’t trust me, but really, i don’t trust you.

You’ve bitched about me, lied about me and never once heard my side of the story. Never had I been disloyal to you and never will I be.

Whatever you think it was – it wasn’t. They chose you over me. I never said anything because if you were happy, thats all that mattered, it was that simple.

You stood and told me to my face to stay away from someone because you didn’t trust them – because if you don’t like someone, I don’t either. Thats how we were. Yet that hashtag of #Bestfriend got moved from me to her.  I would NEVER have treated you that way and I will never replace you.

Before, there would never have been a “are you coming out for my birthday” we’d be online shopping weeks before, planning and being at each others birthdays wouldn’t have been a second thought – you’re family.  Watching TV, eating way to much dinner on a Sunday, napping wherever we fell, the garden, sofa, bed…car! Eating ice cream and sitting in PJ’s all day Sunday was our thing.

Granted – I changed jobs and wasn’t around as much as i was working 80 hour weeks in our busiest period. Just so you know – I never gave up on you, i even invited you to come too.

We’d make plans, and i’d be waiting for you to ask about them, and there was nothing. Repeatedly. I was as bad with this.

I thought after last summer things would get back to being better again – I guess i was wrong.

Hearing what your best friend has said about you is heartbreaking, but i’m not shocked. I sided with you, always and forever, even when you were in the wrong about things. I would have your back because that’s loyalty – thats what best friends do.

Maybe this was me giving up.

Friendship and relationships are the same – it can never be a one-way street.

“It isn’t petty, it isn’t nasty. True friendship is supportive, accepting, understanding and is never less important than a boy. Best friends never, ever intentionally hurt their best friends , no matter what the reason may be. Once you do that, you just aren’t best friends anymore.”

How long you’ve known someone doesn’t judge how good of a friend they are to you. Actions speak louder than words, and never would i ever say i was completely innocent – I could have made more of an effort too – the difference with us is i’d never bad mouth you and thats what you spent last summer and how ever long before that doing.

When you love someone, you fight. There will always be bumps in the road, but I stuck around for longer than I should have. You know this. I know you know this. I forgive you for things that I never in a million years could imagine myself doing to you. You were my best friend. That meant unconditional love. Until it didn’t to you.

I kept choosing you when I should have been choosing me. Well, now, I choose me.

It breaks my heart over and over that it got to this stage – and although it’s me that officially decided we aren’t friends anymore – you decided this too.

Despite how this has all ended, I still love you and still thank you – That won’t ever change.

Thank you for our years of friendship and memories that can NEVER be topped by anybody. Thank you for showing me what true friendship is. Thank you for teaching me how to get up when i’ve fallen down, how to deal with a broken heart from a silly boy, how to be selfless, how to be forgiving and how to be a loyal friend.

People grow apart and I guess our apart was just too far to fix.

Love,
The best friend you pushed away.

Bees xo

 

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