I make mistakes – I am not, and have never claimed to be the perfect friend or person.
This week I can openly admit i’ve ran away 150+ miles from confrontation, awkwardness and situations I simply do not want or wish to be in.
The last 12 months have pushed me beyond anything i’ve experienced before, with a change of jobs, health, personal reasons etc – and I can honestly say and I am sad to admit that i’ve let people down in that time. Some friendships have changed and become stronger, some have gone and won’t be returning and some probably could be fixed with effort from both parties.
Just before Christmas I left my job to start a new chapter and to work for myself full time & I joined another team in a similar industry to what my full time job was – but part time, and I honestly couldn’t be happier.
I now work for myself full time as a hairdresser, beautician and make-up artist. In January and over Christmas i was really scared about building a client base etc – but i’ve been so busy and i’m finally really enjoying myself and i keep asking myself why I didn’t do this sooner.
It’s crazy to say it, but in the last 2-3 months i’ve grown up more than i have in the last 6 years and i’ve realised a lot – and sadly some of the things i’ve realised falls under categories of losing friends and giving up on people – something i’ve always taken pride in myself on never doing before now.
Here’s 5 things i’ve learnt about friendship in the last few months.
- Boundaries are important – I’ve realised more now than before, It’s okay to say no.
Just because I have my kit with me – this doesn’t mean i want to cut your hair or do your brows unpaid after my dinner. Don’t get me wrong, theres exceptions (like my sister in law living 50+ miles away, I WANT to do her nails on a Sunday, or my mom needing a trim, or even my niece and nephews) but everyone deserves a switch off time. How would you feel if I started asking you to work for free straight after a meal, or if i’ve come to your house to chill, or for a week away – and you’re diving into my kit to use it OR making me feel awkward for saying no to doing your make-up for you – It’s my job, it’s my trade – you don’t work 24 hours a day, so why should I?
- Trust and Competition –
Trust – I wear my heart on my sleeve and I am very gullible – I will always trust someones intentions from the get go. Seeing the good in people makes me happy and for the most part it always ends up okay. However, on a fair few occasions, i’ve put my trust in the wrong people. Not everyone has as much honesty as you and failing to see this at the start does not make you a bad person – it makes you human. It can hurt to to realise someone isn’t in it for the same reasons you are, but for me the answer will never be to put a wall up, it will be to learn that some people don’t have the same kind of heart as you do – and thats okay… but once the trust is gone, it could well be gone for good.
Competition – Competition is healthy, bragging how much better your life is then your friends is not. Don’t be a dick – it really isn’t hard.
- The Unsaid will always be in the back of your mind – Blood really is thicker than water. You can think someone has your back and is out to help you, but when you leave or stop seeing these people, it’s very easy to see you were there for one reason and one reason only – because you were useful to them. Always remember 9/10 times you’re replaceable – so put yourself first. People will be your ‘best friend’ until you’re replaced or until they don’t need you anymore. 9/10 times people are out for themselves – as soon as they don’t need stuff that benefits them or free stuff from you – they’ll forget to invite you to things and use an excuse that it’s everyone else’s fault.. Bin these people.
- Learn to manage yourself – I am stubborn, Strong willed and i like to always be right – This doesn’t always go well and I can come across as a bitch. I’ve learnt to try to explain situations and hearing both sides before getting upset and going OTT on someone and hopefully we can find a middle ground. This doesn’t always work – sometimes it’s easier to walk away and ghost someone. This isn’t “childish” it’s thinking about the situation and giving it a few days. Sometimes this can hurt the other person even more – never ignore someone and make sure people know you’re here for them even when you’re ghosting them. No one deserves to be alone.
- Friendship is not about who you’ve known the longest. It’s about who walked into your life, said “I’m here for you” and proved it. – That explains itself really doesn’t it? I’ve got friends i’ve known my entire life that I wouldn’t replace for the world – and i’ve also got friends i’ve known a few months that are now more like family to me then friends i’ve been close to for 6+ years. It really is quality over quantity..
I never thought i’d say it, but sometimes new starts really are for the best. Theres no rule that says if you walk away from a friendship you’re a bad person – Friendships have ups and downs – life isn’t simple. We all do things we shouldn’t and we all wonder how things could have been better or gone differently. We don’t need to spend time day dreaming when actually, things could just be better right now. Friendships are born from so many different circumstances and they’re really not ALL meant to last – You deserve the happiness you want.