Welcome back to my little corner of the internet.. How’s life? I’m currently away for a couple of days and I feel like i’m getting back into blogging, posting and basically – getting my interest back in things that I actually want to do; and not just doing things i’ve been told to do, or working all the time.
It’s safe to say (and pretty obvious from my lack of posts) that i’ve lost my blogging motivation. Every time I write or post I’m always like “Yeah, I’ve missed this, i’m totally going to start doing this weekly again”.. But then life gets in the way.
I’ve had what can only be described as one of the worst yet best years of my life so far, since January.
Work wise, it’s amazing – I wouldn’t change a thing, both my little studio and event work are going incredible and I feel blessed on a daily basis… But personal wise? It couldn’t be more of the opposite.
I had a few what can only be described as “Shit” weeks / months, which I was pretty open about on my Instagram ( http://www.instagram.com/basicbee ) – And i’m not going to lie, although it’s been shit, I’ve realised who are and aren’t my friends and i’m finally feeling completely different about the situation now –
Since January i’ve realised my “circle” is a lot smaller now – and i’m absolutely fine with this. I find myself thinking that i’m missing out on things because i’m working, but actually, i’m not?
I’ll be the first to admit that i’m not the perfect friend, nor a perfect person – I make mistakes, i’m a human being.
..But I have little people following my every move now – and I’m someone they look up to & as much as I don’t want to admit it, I learn A LOT from my big sister about stuff like this.
The last 9 months have pushed me beyond measure and i’m sad but honest enough to admit that i’ve let some people down. Some friendships have flourished and some have completely disappeared with not even a word said to one another now.
I’ve learnt that people that I thought were my friends probably weren’t even my friends to begin with. It’s pretty common knowledge that I was in a horrible relationship for 9-10 months around 3 years ago. I had two of what can only be described as the most amazing people on the planet supporting me to get out of that. Yet because of Chinese whispers and he said, she said, I no longer speak to either of them. One of them doesn’t deserve my time – and quite frankly, never did.. And the other? He decided to use what he knew against me.
I’m 28 years old, my life isn’t a playground.. (And what you post on the internet and instagram isn’t always real life, but this is for another post..)
I learnt a lot because of this..
- I learnt that sometimes people aren’t what they seem and people are going to let you down. – It’s life, I sat for so long being more upset with this person than the entire situation altogether.
- Don’t always be the person that tries to keep in touch with people. If they cared – they’d make the effort too. It takes 30 seconds to send a text.
- Don’t break yourself for other people.
I’ll drive hours to see my friendship group in Essex, i’d never change that for the world. I absolutely love my little breaks away with them. Yet theres people down the road that I don’t keep in touch with that I was once so close to.
- Competition isn’t needed.
If you’re doing good your friends should be cheering for you – and vice versa. You should be your friends biggest cheerleader and number one support.
Don’t steel each others spot light, theres room for everyone.
- The unsaid will fester.
Be open with one another!
Although saying this – This doesn’t mean you can be a complete dick to people.
If somethings bothering you think about it before speaking up – Sometimes it’s just not worth the argument.
Are you still going to be mad about this in 24 hours time?
- Not every situation requires a response from you, save your breath, sometimes people’s ego’s are too big to realise what they’ve done in a situation when the blame is on them.
I’ve learnt a lot in the last 6-9 months. I can honestly say that i’ve put my trust in the wrong people. I didn’t believe in ghosting people before but now I do. My intention would never be to be nasty but I do believe everyone deserves time to think about their behaviour and actions.
I’m very open about the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve but that doesn’t mean that i’ll just forgive and forget.
The last few months i’ve made it pretty clear about who I want and need in my life, and i’ve come to realise that I’d rather have less friends than loads of friends that turn out to not have my back.
I haven’t got my life together, not even slightly, and i’ll admit i’m kind of lost at the moment too!
But for all of the drama and losing myself over the last few months, my motivation being in the wrong places and my confidence being shattered –
I’m done and I’m back.. Bees 2.0? Who knows!
I guess what i’m trying to say is all the negative bits over the last however long –
I want to forgive you – and I want to forget you..