TW: Is An Eating Disorder Even Real?

TRIGGER WARNING –
Would you let a number on a scale own you?

Because between 1.25 and 3.4 million people in the UK do, and they are affected by an eating disorder.
Around 25% of those affected by an eating disorder are male.

Did you know eating disorders are the highest cause of death of any mental illness?

Long time no blog post, but this isn’t a topic I can just ignore just to obvious reasons which I’m extremely open about on here and on my instagram, not so much at the moment because of other personal reasons.. so, let’s just say it how it is –

Is an eating disorder even real? Or is it attention seeking? That’s what they say isn’t it? We live in this huge lifestyle of diet culture, perfect instagram bodies and sports so that’s what they say..
Oh, just eat this, your body looks fine.. people just DO NOT get it, and the NHS is already so underfunded the help and support just isn’t there.

Eating disorders are a group of related conditions including anorexia, bulimia and binge eating.

Symptoms of an eating disorder include worrying about your weight, eating too little or making yourself sick after eating.

“An eating disorder is a serious mental illness, characterised by eating, exercise and body weight or shape becoming an unhealthy preoccupation of someone’s life.”

Tonight has rocked a lot of people including myself. I have friends, people I used to be friends with, people I haven’t spoken to in years, but knowing they’re feeling the exact same way as I am after poor Nikki lost her battle with her eating disorder – anorexia, I’ve made sure to check in on every single person – and that is exactly what you should be doing too.

This isn’t a small thing, eating disorders are not small things, they’re HUGE, they take over your entire life and can trigger you onto bigger things – I am living, breathing, screaming proof of this.

It’s so easy to fall back into that circle.

I’ve learnt people are going to judge you, people are mean, they’ll judge your weight, outfit and every single thing you do, you just have to not care and laugh that they’re still talking about you.. Be the person that’s being talked about rather than the person that’s doing the talking, I’ve learnt this in the last few months more than ever. People change, and sometimes you need to change too.

You know when people ask you what you’ve had for lunch, or if you’ve eaten, or when they tell you that you should eat more, they complement how small and slim you are, or maybe that top doesn’t cling in the right places.. ALL this matters.

An eating disorder is not skipping one meal, thinking you are fat, or wanting to loose a few pounds. An eating disorder is a disease in your head; one that controls your life and over powers everything else you once cared about.

It’s so much more than “just not eating to be skinny” or “binge eating”.

It transforms you into a different person, stealing your personality and happiness, and replacing them with fear, anxiety and loneliness.

It doesn’t appear out of no where, it grows from so many different sources like stress, control issues, perfectionism, over working your body – and with me, people judging your every move.

It literally drains you mentally and physically, and slowly but surely it takes you – and todays news is proof, that it takes you quite literally.

You can never fully understand an eating disorder unless you’ve had one yourself and i hope to god none of you ever have to understand it.

But at the same time I hope you all understand it more, I hope you all take a step back and realise now, not just because a celebrity has passed, but warning signs, when people need help. An eating disorder is so hard to spot, I for one was an absolute boss at hiding it, and I am so lucky to have those around me now, including a PT as a boyfriend to help me with this every other day.

Comments like “do I look fat in this” “does this look right” “nah, I ate at lunch” “I had a big lunch” “I’ve already eaten” – sometimes all these can add up and be a much bigger thing.

An eating disorder takes over someones entire life and to seek help and treatment as an inpatient or an outpatient is absolutely terrifying.

We see each other judging each others looks on the internet every single second of every single day – and it’s horrible.
People don’t need that perfect figure, people need to be happy in their own skin, but it isn’t like that with an eating disorder – it doesn’t matter how much you work out, or eat right, or don’t eat at all – you will NEVER be happy whilst this disease is inside of you.

Please, educate yourselves, take a step back, look around you, just a message could help someone – if you need help, take the scales out of your room and put them away for the next 7 days – tips we were all taught.

If tonight you need that helping hand, my inbox is always open and here’s some numbers that could help you – and please, remember it’s okay to feel as you do, it’s normal, it’s okay not to be okay.

BEAT ED helpline tel: 0808 801 0677

BEAT ED helpline for under 18s: 0808 801 0711

National Centre for EDs: 0845 838 2040

Eating Disorder Support: 01494 793223

The World today is a toxic place, social media is a toxic place, you can often feel like your surrounded by toxicity – but I promise you, you’ve got this,

“Feeling guilty for eating when you’re hungry is like feeling guilty for breathing when your lungs need oxygen. We’ve literally been taught to be ashamed of our basic human needs. Refuse to feel the shame, you are allowed to eat.”

It’s okay to have bad days, it’s okay to feel like you do right now. But as I said, you’ve got this.

Rest in peace Nikki Grahame, a true icon ❤️

Love you all, always
B x

My 2020 Promise.

Hey guys,

Merry Christmas, & Welcome back to my little corner of the internet.

This is probably the shortest but quickest post on here to date, but you know when you really just need to get things off your chest?

That’s me right now.

Things have been totally and utterly shit lately, and no matter what I do, I can’t shift this horrible feeling.

This is what I’ve learnt:

“Everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right. You believe lies so eventually you learn to trust no one but yourself; and sometimes good things can fall apart so better things can fall together.”

I just want to be happy. Genuinely and utterly happy. I don’t want to argue with why things are important to me, I don’t want to scream and shout to be heard, and I don’t want to be disappointed anymore. I want to go to sleep happy, I don’t want this feeling in the pit of my stomach anymore.

I’ve grown so much in the last few weeks, and especially the last couple of days. I’m strong and I’m brave.

I promise, my 2020 promise, too myself and everyone else is that I’m going to be happy, deeply and utterly happy.

Love,

Bees x

Is This Too Personal For The Internet?

Hey Guys, Welcome back to my little corner of the internet –

The internet is such a picture perfect place isn’t it? Well, instagram anyway.. I can tell you from person experience – it’s total and utter bullshit.

Where the hell do I start? If 2020 wasn’t going to absolute shite before, it is now – See, Shite is fine; It’s like a posh way of saying Sh*t, right?! Maybe? Okay well.. let’s give me that one..

So, we all know I’m 29 and waiting for that midlife crisis, hence starting the “almost 30 blog post” but Jheeze! The last week has been an absolute whirl wind of emotion, and really, all I want to actually do is chill with the girls or sit in Bella Italia with April for 2342 Hours, order way too much food and gossip about life in general.. But alas, Boris is still a wanker (I’m saying it, I don’t care, I’m bored of lockdown and covid but again that’s another story).

So, Boris made me take another month off of work even though hair and beauty rates were next to nothing (honestly pal, thanks, a lot.. that’s 8 months this year!) – But I’m, now BACK! I was allowed to go back to work again on Wednesday 2nd December – but of course, me being me – going straight back to work would be just far too easy wouldn’t it?

So, the last few weeks I’ve been beyond stressed out, I was really good at covering it and only Will really knew. I was stressing about absolutely everything in life that realistically comes with a pandemic, and whilst doing so I was pushing the best people away in order to protect myself (Shout out to me, because I do this A LOT – or I runaway, but Will’s banned me from doing that now..) so anyway, yeah.. basically I over stress and I’m a bit of a twat.. But what’s the best thing to do during a world wide pandemic?

Stress yourself into A&E of course!

So, keep in mind, works on Wednesday, and I’m in A&E on Monday evening due to projectile vomiting blood all over my bathroom and other various locations in the house.. (too much info? Ooops, you should probably stop reading because it’s going to get worse..).
Will’s got a deadline so he can’t be there with me, and I’m only allowed one person who’s in my bubble.
At this point I didn’t really realise how serious it was so I took Sonic & Tails on my switch as my “+1” and kept in touch with people throughout the night.

Now I’m not one to complain (that’s a lie), but why is there ALWAYS that one person in the waiting room that doesn’t shut up? Do we need to hear your FaceTime call for 2+ hours to someone about how terrible your life is and how it’s a “P*ss take” when you’re not called in next because you’re just in so much pain (the huge amount of pain that actually makes total sense and explains why you keep getting up to charge your phone in different plugs throughout the waiting room, verbally abuse anyone that smiles at you, including NHS staff and basically just make absolutely everyone uncomfortable around you for the entire time your in there.. including an older man that tried to defend you and you bit his head off.. shout out to you if for some unknown reason you’re reading this, you are a knob.

But anyway, back to me, because you know, this is all about me right now.. So, I get rushed through the covid screening part, straight into majors and I’m that dosed up on morphine and whatever else, I make two friends in the cubical next to me – to this point I still don’t know their names but hey, you’re great! ( No honestly, they we’re great, making me laugh etc for hours to make sure I was okay even though they were there for themselves, maybe human beings aren’t so bad after all?)

Rushed through scans, and I’m told I’m going to need to stay in, well no – it’s Monday, they can’t do anything until Wednesday, what do they expect me to do, stay in a COVID hospital until Wednesday? It’s a no from me, so reluctantly, the doctor and surgical team agree I’m allowed to go home IF I take it easy, bed rest only and come back in an ambulance if the pain gets any worse..

So it turns out I have what they thought was a stress ulcer attached to my tummy, and they were worried it was going to *insert some word that begins with a P here* but basically burst which is why it was bed rest time..

Tuesday morning comes along, I’m still ridiculously stressed with life but I sleep thanks to codeine and a sleeping pill. Tuesday evening comes along the stress is kind of sorted, and I’m getting ready for an EASY day at work on Wednesday.
Everyone that knows me knows I don’t do things by halves, so actually halving my appointments and moving slots around is actually a huge thing for me but I did it. I fitted 2 lots of hair extensions and then went home.

Thursday I then did a handful of appointments and went back to the hospital on Friday for my little operation to remove said ulcer.
(Admittedly it was meant to be before Friday, but your girl over here had a speed awareness Course she had to do via zoom from her bed.. just don’t ask, this is how my 2020 has gone..)

Friday comes, I’m chilling at Will’s taking it easy, JOKE, I’m an absolute bitch cause I’m scared, nervous, and beyond stressed out to the point I’m pretty certain this thing is going to burst at any given second.. Off we go to the hospital on Friday afternoon, and it’s removed. The team are lovely and I have to have not only another external scan, but an internal one too. Why is COVID a thing?
I could really do with my boyfriend making me laugh with the worst jokes known to man at this point.. (I don’t laugh at the jokes, I laugh at his grin after because he’s so proud) I’ve got my AirPods with me, so what do we do? We message Elise and Alex with random useless information and of course, I message Scottie B for a play list of songs that I just MUST listen too.. and the guy came through, all straight bangers, 10/10’s.

At this point, Carly the angel that she is (also a nurse, why she isn’t some next level surgeon I have no idea but she is literally the meaning of life at this point) is messaging me, checking up on me constantly and making me smile.

I go back to Will’s to rest with the news that they have to take I biopsy to make sure it’s not cancerous – I’m a little down but I explain all the details to Elise who almost throws up.. which for some reason cheers me up greatly and makes me laugh..

We order food and wait for results..

It’s now Tuesday, but I got the results yesterday, it’s not cancerous,

But Oh Shit, not even Shite, just Shit.. Your girls got to have an ovary removed.

How am I supposed to feel? Because honestly? I really don’t know and making jokes is the only way to go about it at the moment, but I know at some point I actually need to process this as it’s not a small thing.

Apparently ranting and typing and forgetting to try and be this perfect blogger has helped. This is how I speak, this is how I type, and this is me. The Real Me. The Girl that’s about to lose an ovary at the age of 29, the girl that has no kid and the girl that has no fucking clue what she’s actually doing with her life.. So sits and makes tiktoks to past the time..

Has anyone else been through anything like this, or similar to this?

I’ve had so much love and support from my favourite people though and I’m forever grateful.

So, here’s my question, Is this too personal for the internet?

Bees xo

“Could you hold me without any talking?”

Hey Guys,
Welcome back to my little corner of the internet.

This is possibly the most intense, personal and maybe quickest blog post I’ve ever written, and am I going to regret it in an hours time? Almost certainly, and am I going to keep typing really badly with awful grammar?
Yes. Yes I am.

We’re gonna head straight into this, and save the faffing.. Due to COVID-19, I’ve had near enough 8 months off work and I got into a new relationship near enough 3 weeks before lockdown even started, so the majority of my relationship so far has been in lockdown.

Every relationship I’ve been in before this one I’ve been cheated on, to the point I thought it was me and my fault.
Whether that was fake twitter profiles to pay for photos of other girls, physically cheating on me when they went for a “lads weekend” down south, or making me get a tattoo with them to be dumped and cheated on 2 hours later… who knows! It’s all pretty shitty though.

Please understand, I’m not saying that men are trash, women cheat too, and it’s exactly the same and just as shitty.

When I’m in a relationship, not just a relationship but friendships too, I put my all in, so when it’s not received back, I end up being the one that gets hurt a lot, and things that probably shouldn’t be taken to heart and personal, are.
Like really, I’m your biggest cheerleader and I’ll do anything I can do make things okay.

I’ve been in my current relationship for near enough 9 months now, and I’m getting to the point where I’m doing things I’m not meaning to do, like push him away, get anxious 24/7; and basically, I’m waiting for him to leave.

We’ve been through a hell of a lot since we got together, including 100+ prank calls a night at all hours, fake instagram accounts, fake tinder profiles, psychopath girls getting involved and spiking our drinks in a club. Yeah, you heard that correctly.. Basically, a lot.
And what sucks the most is that even if we bicker, or argue it’s always because of other people and we’ve let them get in the middle of us, which trust me is the worst possible thing you can do.

“You didn’t love her, you just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was good for your ego. Or maybe, she made you feel better about your miserable little life. But you didn’t love her, because you don’t destroy the people you love.”

I think when you’ve been cheated on or treated badly you get to the point where you’re not really sure who to trust and who to listen to. People that are meant to be your best friend one day can drop you and completely forget about you when you need them the most.

I’ve had the best possible weekend with Will this weekend, but you know what’s still there, annoyingly?
That feeling that I’ve done something wrong even though I know deep down I haven’t.
He has so much patience for all of this, he doesn’t think twice, he just makes it better, but should this even be his responsibility?

It isn’t just men that cheat, of course it isn’t, I mean look a the Johnny Depp and Amber case? People trying to tear into Johnny for retaliating, when Amber did things that was so evil, all the physical abuse but the mental abuse too.

But I guess that’s what cheating is isn’t it? It’s evil.

When you cheat on someone it’s deeper then you think. It’s deeper then what anybody realises, It destroys their outlook on love, their future relationships and their peace within themselves.

If you’re not happy, Leave. You say it’s not that simple but it is, it’s exactly that simple.

I was cheated on and left an entire life, a house, a future, everything you can imagine.
But this has also made me really good at running away from things that I don’t need to run away from.
I am the absolutely worst at explaining what’s wrong when somethings upset me, and I know I need to do better with that, if someone upsets me I’ll walk away and ignore them until I have to speak to them, and I know that isn’t healthy but it’s my way of doing things.

I BEG YOU, if you’ve fucked up in someones life, don’t keep popping up, leave them be. Don’t follow them on instagram, stop with the fake profiles on twitter and Facebook, just leave them be.

Anxiety is a bitch, why would anyone want to add to that? I guess I don’t really know where I’m going with this post, but I also just needed to finally write it and put it out there and get it off my chest.

I am so in love right now, it’s new, it’s terrifying and honestly?
I’m happy, even when I’m grumpy, I’m happy, he’s my biggest fan and biggest supporter with everything and anything, it doesn’t matter how big or small it is – he’s always there.
but at the same time I have absolutely no idea what the fuck I’m doing, I mess up almost every single day if not twice a day and for some reason Will’s still about – but at the same time I’m trying to do my best every second of every day and I’m really hoping he gets that.

I’d do anything to fuck this entire lockdown off and sit and pretend to watch films whilst I’m actually watching him play zombies and I’m attempting to get some tips from it.. Will’s assignments in this week and I’m back at work, so hopefully this means I can just chill for an evening and shoot some more zombies than him.. this is the dream anyway, we’ll see how it goes.

I guess what I’m tryna say is, every single action has a consequence. Even if you don’t think it’s a big deal; it could be massive to somebody else. Do the right thing, don’t be a dick. So, that’s my rant over, happy Sunday.

Bees x

Help! I’m isolating with my boyfriend!

Hey, me again –

Welcome back to my little corner of the internet – So as you’ve seen, here in the UK we’re back on lockdown (thanks Boris).

With how bad my last lockdown went; I’ve somehow ended up isolating with Will this time – and not going to lie to you, it’s totally different to what I thought it would be. I say this whilst i’m sat here 32 minutes into the Liverpool, Man City game, whilst he’s “nipped downstairs” a good 20 minutes ago.. I think it’s time to change the channel.

The majority of mine and Will’s relationship has been in lockdown. I’ve had 3 months back at work and only 1 month back in events (It’s a 2 job life), and now once again I am very, very unemployed.

Me and Will are two of the most stubborn people ever, ask anybody – But I’m known as being “quite” feisty, and he’s known as being “quite easy going”. With me he’s feisty, and I’m easy going when it comes to him.. at times!
Two feisty people living together for a while, what could go wrong, right?! Imagine me touching wood right now – and I ask you to do the same.

We’re 4 days in, he came here on Wednesday night after my last event for a while which was pretty emotional. Thursday we had a busy-ish day, got all our last minute bits and pieces tied up and then Friday we started lockdown properly. He’s currently running 5k a day over 30 days to raise money for Movember – Check out his Movember link and donate if you can – It’s on his instagram http://www.instagram.com/__batesfitness.

But anyway, less promo, more blog post – Guys are hard work aren’t they?

It’s like the little things seem to be the hardest. I am loving Will being here but I’d love it more if he didn’t leave his wet towel on the end of the bed after every use, or if he didn’t take the corner of the quilt off my feet every night OR if he didn’t have to sleep with the window open when it’s pretty much -2345543 degrees outside.. okay slight exaggeration, but you get my point. Guys are hard work, but I’m pretty sure I’m probably harder.

On Friday I did absolutely nothing, Will made me do absolutely nothing because without me realising, I needed a break and I needed a day to do just that – absolutely nothing.

I read, I instagrammed, I watched like 6 horror films one after another on Netflix (huge shout out for the free membership, I could not do lockdown without you..!) I did my emails, I had an amazing long bath (with all the bubbles and the temperature being something that could only be described as satan returning to hell) and I did proper skin care. Not just a face wipe here and some cleaner and toner there. It was magical.

Saturday came and we went for a walk. I live quite far from the city, so walking wise there’s loads of places here which we can keep a distance from everyone else – or so we thought. Groby Pool, Bradgate Park, Bosworth Water Park were all absolutely rammed – it was ridiculous – but I kind of understand it, I’d want to come out the city on the last nice day for a while for a walk if I could too.
So we ended up stopping for coffee, taking the car home and walking around where I live instead.
Luckily Will’s a student and as I said above, I am very unemployed, so we can go for a walk somewhere nice this week when everybody’s at work and he isn’t in online lectures.

Today I woke up early, went for a walk, went to the shop, we’ve not really seen each other much yet seen each other a lot at the same time, it’s all very odd.

He’s staying up tonight “borrowing” my WIFI, to watch American Football and play FIFA & War Zone with his boys, so I nipped out to get him “essentials”. I’m really excited to have a bath and do girl stuff without having to worry if I need to get him a drink or anything, is that normal?

It’s weird, I was absolutely dreading a second lockdown, but I guess it isn’t too bad with him here, I can’t say that I’m enjoying lockdown with him though because he’ll get big headed and take the mick out of me for a while.. and I’m just not really about that life.

I’m excited to start a new course tomorrow – and when I say excited, I can’t actually wait!
I also start my couch to 5k too!

This was a really positive blog post, but please don’t think that everything you read on the internet is true.
Although my post is true, it doesn’t mean I haven’t struggled already. It’s okay to struggle and it’s okay to have bad days.

We never signed up for this, just remember to take it one day at a time. You’ve got this.
Make a list of everything you’re going to do after lockdown – here’s the start of mine.

I’m going to see Jade, Aeysha, Beth, Nathan, Poppy, Tommy, Theo & Everyone else in Colchester and I don’t for a second care how cold it is, we will be going to the beach.

I’m going back to work.

I’m going to London with Will.

I’m going to visit the mountains.

I’m going to visit Caitlin in Manchester for the best girly weekend.

I’m going to roadtrip with my Flat W Girls.

There’s so much I’m going to do, but there’s also a lot I’m not going to do – I’m not going to try and please people constantly and always put their opinion before my own – I never used to do this, and I’ve kind of lost some of my sass, so that’s definitely about to come back!

and honestly, I’m going to say I’m never taking anything for granted again, but I probably will, because we’re all Human.

I’m going to spend the next week on my laptop, cooking too much food, spending time with Will & Smiffy and basically doing “me” stuff and I’m really excited.

This lockdown I really, don’t have a lot to do. So expect a lot more blog posts over the next couple of weeks. I know I say I’ll blog more but it’s really hard when you have what you feel, is nothing to blog about.

Stay Safe, Stay Home – Let’s see how the first full week of living with my goes,

I say help, but there’s no one else I’d rather isolate with.

(minus my niece and nephews, and some of my family, work and blood – them being here means i’d stay in lockdown forever!)

Wish me Luck!

Bees xo

November Instagram Challenge – #Lockdown2

Hey Guys,
Welcome back to my little corner of the internet –

So..Lockdown2, we’ve heard it all now.. Here’s a super quick post!

Boris telling us we won’t be back in a national lockdown, now we are, then we weren’t, and now we are officially – I’m bored, you’re bored, we’re all bored and i’m currently very, very unemployed.

I don’t get any help from Boris or the government as I haven’t been self employed for long enough – It’s pretty shitty, but it is what it is. So instead of getting down and depressed about it, I’ve got 4 weeks and a photo a day to keep me entertained.

Blogging seems like a thing from the past in lockdown, especially when I have absolutely 0 to post – so I set myself a challenge – of a lockdown2 photo challenge. This way we have something to post every day, until December 2nd.

I know it’s not a lot – but it’s really helping me work towards something each and every day in this second lockdown.

Feel free to join in, tag me, or even DM me your posts, anything and everything is appreciated.

I can’t wait to see what you come up with,

Bees xo

Thin Shaming?

It’s me, Hi! Welcome back to my little corner of the internet.

I am struggling and because this is my little corner it’s here I’m about to rant.

We all know about my thyroid and graves disease issues, but right now I am honestly struggling more than I was when my T4 was originally the highest at 118.6.

Food. Weight. Fat.

I am SO sick of hearing I need to put weight on for my operation, I’m perfectly aware I do, I’m the one sitting in the doctors office – no one else. Yet coming from someone that has struggled with food for years and an on and off ED, I can honestly say I’ve had enough of other human beings.

I’m now at the point where my temper just goes, I don’t want to hear it and it isn’t remotely helpful. I clearly seem to have different eating habits to other people around me, for example I don’t want to eat at 9pm at night when my alarms going off at 7pm, because I know my body and I know I won’t sleep, I don’t need reminding to eat and I sure as hell don’t need to be told about my weight.

Can people wake up?

WHY is is acceptable to be like “omg you’ve lost weight!” imagine if someone turned round to someone else and said “omg! you’ve gained weight!” you wouldn’t, why? Because it’s rude.

Is it that hard to keep comments to yourself, is it that hard to let people do what they want to do and let them gain weight in their own way?

I’ve lost weight, since putting it back on since I lost it over lockdown, but Jesus christ can people PLEASE Stop skinny shaming?! I honestly don’t understand why it’s okay to comment about a thinner / lower weight when people know it’s not okay to comment on someone else’s weight that’s slightly bigger etc. Fat / Thin shaming isn’t acceptable and it can put people into a really shitty place.

Keep your comments to yourself, stop pushing people to eat and back off. It’s ridiculous.

I’ve got a stone to gain before my operation and with the rate things are going, this isn’t going to be the case.

Telling someone they are too skinny and they should eat more is the same as telling someone that they are too fat and should eat less.

Real women are fat, thin, both, neither and whatever. Get over it.

From someone that had an ED, imma say it – this. isn’t. helpful.

Rant over, that was quick – I am not a people person today. I am trying my best, but I am struggling with the image of putting weight on. I don’t need reminders.

B x

Who in their right mind would start a relationship in lockdown?

Hey hey, Welcome back to my little corner of the internet – it’s been a while.

I’m allowed to work again now (not fully, thanks to Boris changing his mind 24 hours before opening but hey, that’s another story.)

Realationships are weird things aren’t they? It’s like you pick another human and you’re like “yeah, I like that one.”

We’ve taken a few days away from Leicester and although we can’t fly at the moment we’ve come to Wales for a few days. I know what you’re thinking, Wales?! But I swear, there’s been a few hiccups, but it’s a dream.

I haven’t been with Will that long and anyone that knows me knows I was absolutely shitting it about coming here with him.
Breaks with new people are fun right? I’ll answer that – of course they are; but they’re also absolutely terrifying.

We went on our first date before lockdown, spent lots of time together but then boom – we’re over an hour away from each other and don’t get me wrong, Pokemon Go social distanced in the park is a great way of spending time with someone – but it’s not the same is it?

We started to see each other and became in each others “bubbles”. This helped us LOADS. We spoke every day, FaceTimed with films and basically did everything we could to not mess this up. In May we had a quick look and found a mini break we could easily afford so we booked in with a small deposit. Logically, we thought we could drive there and even if we couldn’t do a lot of stuff it would still be fine to be lazy after working 12-16+ hour days since going back to work.

We got left on Friday morning (I’m luckily not back in lockdown like other parts of Leicester!).. Had a roadtrip up here and it’s been amazing so far. We were worried about eating out and having nothing to do but its been the polar opposite.. Saying this, I’m now shattered and Will’s currently on his second hour of his “quick nap”… We may have done slightly too much yesterday after all, but hey, we’ve been pretty lazy today so I kinda think that evens it out.

I’ll be totally honest here. I don’t care what anyone says, going away with someone new is scary. Like, what do you do when you’ve gotta poop? Play music? Run a tap? Switch the shower on.. or all 3? I swear no one thinks about stuff like this until it happens.
It’s really, really hot – do you cuddle all night despite this or roll away?
Where do you get changed?
What happens if you accidentally eat gluten?
What happens if you’re really tired and dribble in your sleep?
What happens if you forget the right amount of socks?
What happens if you fall over your own feet infront of them? And you gotta play it cool?
What happens if you fall in the shower and have to play it off as a “It’s fine, just kicked something by accident!”

I have done ALL OF THE ABOVE & more. My anxiety is now gone though, so I mean – this is better?! And also a positive.

Yes, yes I did manage to stress about all of the above in the first 12 hours.. but I’ve come to the conclusion that this human being wakes me up when I’ve missed my GD meds, runs out to get me chocolate and always wakes me up in the nicest way possible, so really did I have anything to worry about?

Here’s what we’ve done since we got here yesterday (Friday) –

Kicked ass on the clowns in the arcades –

We’ve eaten steak, drank gin, finally got Will his burger and pint (all he’s asked for the whole of lockdown…)

I’ll upload more tomorrow, we’re going to a lighthouse, to see sharks, to an amazing pub for food and to the beach!

And all I’ve learnt is, coming for a break with my best friend is the absolute best.

I’d type more, but this WordPress update is doing my head in –

Speak soon!

I already can’t wait to wake up tomorrow and do this all over again.

Bees xo

Who will fix me now?

Forget this healthy eating rainbow food and pass me the cake and anything and everything deep fried, because honestly, i’ve had enough.

Welcome back to my little corner of the internet. Long story short,I am FED UP…

I say long story short, like i’m not going to explain my entire battle since what feels like forever.. but it’s actually probably just a few months, but since lock down, it feels like it’s been a whole lot worst..

I work a lot, like A LOT – and i absolutely love it and wouldn’t change it for the world. I work in events and promote and host them and i honestly absolutely love it, i have the best team you can dream of – even if i am the only girl. I also work full time in hair and beauty, plus blogging, content creating and currently finishing 2 courses to qualify me and pass me for some really random stuff that i never thought i’d do.. but anyway…

So, Lock down, I have no clue of how to explain this, but maybe it’s been a blessing in disguise? The fact i work a lot means i never ‘STOP’. I don’t like stopping and i like jumping from one work to another, it’s my thing.

Throughout lockdown, and just before I felt really, really run down and just assumed i was tired and needed a good sleep. I was seeing someone new and was up until late messaging them, along with everything else i would usually do.

The start of lock down i had COVID-19. Luckily, i didn’t really have any symptoms other than being tired, run down, achey and i completely lost my sense of smell (which still isn’t back over 3 months later.. but according to my doctor, apparently it cant take up to 12 months! Mad isn’t it?!)

A few weeks ago, i finally saw one of my best friends (2m apart, obviously) and he said i wasn’t right, we picked up food and sat in the garden with my mom and step dad. I hadn’t really put makeup on but seeing JB and a actually leaving the house was bliss, i was SO excited.
I knew i’d been feeling really off and poorly, but i’d called the doctors a few weeks before and after a less than one minute phone call, they put me on a high dosage of anti depressants and sleeping tablets. To say these didn’t work nor did they agree with my body and stomach.. is an understatement. I rang the doctors and they said to keep taking them, i explained i was coming off them and would deal with the migraines, anxiety and every other symptom the best i could with things i could get over the counter.

The night i saw JB, i ended up in A&E… I was vomiting blood and i ACHED.

To say A&E is terrifying in lockdown, is an understatement. It’s terrifying, and i was put in what could only be described as a glass room / bubble.

The doctors and nurses were absolutely amazing and you could tell that they were tired, scared and just flat out exhausted too.

A few days before A&E, i really didn’t feel right, I felt heavy, my anxiety had been through the roof and i’d almost passed out in the shower…

Once i was in A&E, i had lots of tests and was discharged around 4am. I went home, and i finally slept for a few days. I was talking to Will, Jade, Alex, Elise and Caitlin as much as i could, but i was struggling every time I looked at my phone or a screen.
I’d wake up in the morning and the TV would still be on from the night before, but it would be on pause, it would stay like that for the entire day and i’d simply spend the day staring at my ceiling trying to make the migraines and aches go away…

About 3 weeks ago, it got BAD, and i can honestly say i’ve never felt so poorly in my life, but i didn’t want to worry anyone so i played it down, a lot. Will & my family knew i wasn’t 100% but i played down on poorly i felt – every morning it was the same thing that would go on all day –

Exhausted even if i’d slept well.
Dragging my right leg to the bathroom every morning – i didn’t have the energy to lift it.
Getting out the shower, feeling kinda normal until i brushed my teeth and had to sit on the floor to cool down..
Sitting in a towel, going dizzy, red hot, and my heart racing..
Almost passing out
Everything aching… every muscle in my entire body.
Swollen eyes, to the point they look like my eyeballs are going to fall out..
Room constantly spinning
Not being able to concentrate on anything what so ever
Losing weight (i’ve lost nearly 2 stone since the start of lockdown.. and i really didn’t have weight to lose…)
The shakes for hours .. to the point I can’t even cut my own food..
Deep scratches, that appear everywhere to the point i’m covered.
ITCHY. Body feels like its on fire.
Ache. Everything aches, all the time.
Anxiety through the roof to the point if anything went a different way in the morning when i was getting ready, i full on break down would come…

and literally so many more that i can’t even remember them..

You know that feeling, when you’re trying not to cry, and you hold it to the point your throat hurts – it’s that, all day, everyday.

I called the doctor again and explained, and he just didn’t listen in the slightest, I explained about my graves disease and my thyroid and he completely shrugged it off and put me on some other medication – that i didn’t even bother to pick up because this guy was just not listening.

The phone calls were lasting less than 2 minutes, how can you diagnose someone over the phone in less than 2 minutes?

I understand were in a pandemic, but come on..
(i’m frustrated.)

I gave up and left it a few days and played it down as much as physically possible, i was googling symptoms because at my last consultation for my thyroid they said ” it’s very rare for it to be an issue again once it’s treated in the way yours is being treated in”.

This was November – January time.

Last Friday i gave up, it got to the point where i was honestly questioning my own sanity and if it was in my head – ( the last time there was something wrong the receptionist at the doctors wouldn’t book me in for weeks and made out it was in my head… It wasn’t.)

So… I rang the doctors.. AND FINALLY someone actually looked at my notes! They saw my graves disease and said that it shouldn’t be that, but we’ll get some blood tests and Yesterday i had my tests, lots and LOTS of blood tests, weight checked (shock i’m underweight), blood pressure and some other stuff.. i can’t really remember what because although i have 99 tattoos.. i cannot do needles or blood… It’s very likely that i will pass out..

This morning, by 10am we’d been back and forth and after around 8 phone calls, 3 different phones between me and them.. i got results.

The last time i was poorly my T4 level was 72 .. it’s meant to be between 9-10..

This morning i was told it was 118.6.. instead of between 9-10.

I love the NHS, i appreciated the NHS – and i absolutely understand they are understaffed and we’re in the middle of a pandemic and theres bigger things than my health happening right now –

BUT it’s now got to the point where i questioned my own sanity.. and if this was now normal.. And all of this could have been dealt with months / weeks ago..

If someone had taken 30 seconds and read my notes. I’ve seen my notes, it says GRAVES DISEASE at the top. It would have taken literally, 30 seconds and little effort and i wouldn’t have felt this low, worthless.. and basically insane.

I’m picking up medication tomorrow – medication thats for someone that weighs at least double of my weight, because they’re worried about my T4 levels as they’re dangerous..

As soon as i got results, I went for a shower and i cried.. not even sad cry, or happy cry.. just relief that i’m not insane.

YOU know your own body, so if something is wrong, ask for a second, third, fourth opinion – I should have and if i had i wouldn’t be i the mess i am right now..

I’ve tried to play it down so much to absolutely everyone i’m close with or in contact with that knows i don’t feel 100%.. but i can’t actually explain how just SHIT i feel.

Rant over, I honestly do appreciate the NHS… but right now, i’m kinda confused and angry and honestly? I don’t have the energy for it.

I just wanna eat carbs, not ache, watch netflix and sleep. Please?

So.. hows your lock down?

Bees xo

I’m done with him & I’m over it.

Elect a clown – Expect a Circus.

Hi, Hi, Hi, Welcome back to my little corner of the internet.

Before anyone starts, this is ALL MY OWN opinion from how I feel about the entire COVID Pandemic has been handled – or not handled, which ever way you want to address it. But either way, it’s my blog; so i’m going to rant.. Why? Because i deserve to.

I totally, 100% understand that Boris Johnson has probably the most difficult job of them all right now, but seriously – i don’t understand how people are praising him?

No one can argue with FACTS. This is what the UK Government has done.

December 31st China alerts WHO to new virus.

January 23rd Study reveals a third of China’s patients require intensive care.

January 24th Boris Johnson misses first Cobra meeting.

January 29th Boris Johnson misses second Cobra meeting.

January 31st The NHS declares first ever ‘Level 4 critical incident’ Meanwhile, the government declines to join European scheme to source PPE.

February 5th Boris Johnson misses third Cobra meeting.

February 12th Boris Johnson misses fourth Cobra meeting. Exeter University published study warning Coronavirus could infect 45 million people in the UK if left unchallenged.

February 13th Boris Johnson misses conference call with European leaders.

February 14th Boris Johnson goes away on holiday. Aides are told keeps Johnson’s briefing notes short or he will not read them.

February 18th Johnson misses fifth cobra meeting.

February 26th Boris Johnson announces ‘Herd Immunity’ strategy, announcing some people will lose loved ones. Government document is leaked, predicting half a million Brits could die in ‘worse case scenario’

February 29th Boris Johnson retreats to his country manor. NHS warns of ‘PPE shortage nightmare’ Stockpiles have dwindled or expired after years of austerity cuts.

March 2nd Boris Johnson attends his first Cobra meeting, declining another opportunity to join European PPE scheme. Government’s own scientists say over half a million Brit’s could die if virus left unrestrained. Johnson tells country “We are very, very well prepared.”

March 3rd Scientists urge Government to advise public not to shake hands. Boris Johnson brags about shaking hands of Coronavirus patients.

March 4th Government stops providing daily updates on virus following a 70% spike in UK cases. They will later U-turn on this amid accusations they are withholding vital information.

March 5th Boris Johnson tells public to ‘wash their hands and business as usual’

March 7th Boris Johnson joins 82,000 people at Six Nations match.

March 9th After Ireland cancels St Patrick’s day parades, the government says there’s “No Rationale” for cancelling sporting events.

March 10th – 13th Cheltenham takes place, more than a quarter of a million people attend.

March 11th 3,000 Atletico Madrid fans fly to Liverpool.

March 12th Boris Johnson states banning events such as Cheltenham will have little effect. The Imperial College study finds the government’s plan is projected to kill half a million people.

March 13th The FA suspends the Premier League, citing an absence of Government guidance. Britain is invited to join European scheme for joint purchase of ventilators, and refuses. Boris Johnson lifts restrictions of those arriving from Coronavirus hot spots.

March 14th Government is still allowing mass gatherings, as Stereophonics play to 5,000 people in Cardiff.

March 16th Boris Johnson asks Britons not to go to pubs, but allows them to stay open. During a conference call, Johnson jokes that push to build new ventilators should be called ‘Operation Last Gasp’

March 19th Hospital patients with Coronavirus are returned to care homes in a bid to free up hospital space. What follows is a boom of virus cases in care homes.

March 20th The Government states that PPE shortage crisis is “Completely resolved” Less than two weeks later, the British Medical Association reports an acute shortage in PPE.

March 23rd UK goes into lockdown.

March 26th Boris Johnson is accused of putting ‘Brexit over Breathing’ by not joining EU ventilator scheme. The government then state they had not joined the scheme because they had ‘missed the email’

April 1st The Evening Standard publishes that just 0.17% of NHS staff have been tested for the virus.

April 3rd The UK death toll overtakes China.

April 5th 17.5 million Antibody tests, ordered by the government and described by Boris Johnson as a ‘game changer’ are found to be a failure.

April 7th Boris Johnson is moved to intensive care with Coronavirus.

April 16th Flights bring 15,000 people a day into the UK – without virus testing.

April 17th Health Secretary Matt Hancock says “I would love to be able to wave a magic wand and have PPE fall from the sky.” The UK has now missed four opportunities to join the EU’s PPE scheme.

April 21st The Government fails to reach its target of face masks for the NHS, as it is revealed manufactures offers of help were met with silence. Instead millions of pieces of PPE are being shipped from the UK to Europe.

April 23rd – 24th Government announces testing kits for 10 million key workers. Orders run out within minutes as only 5,000 are made available.

April 25th UK death toll from Coronavirus overtakes that of The Blitz.

April 30th Boris Johnson announces the UK has succeeded in avoiding a tragedy that had engulfed other parts of the world – At this point, The UK has the 3rd highest death toll in the world.

May 1st The Government announces it has reached its target of 100,000 tests – They haven’t conducted the tests, but posted the testing kits.

May 5th The UK death toll becomes the highest in Europe.

May 6th Boris Johnson announces the UK could start to lift lockdown restrictions by Monday 7th May (Less than 24 hours after the announcement.) – And lets be honest here, it was so brief it was unreal and there was basically no need for the announcement – he showed he was totally and completely unprepared.

He didn’t even mention shielded families or the over 70s?

It wasn’t until this morning – Monday 7th May that other leaders including Dominic Raab, actually took time to explain what the new rules meant; and they’re basically exactly the same other than you can have unlimited exercise now and you can meet 1 person from another house hold but you have to keep 2m apart.

I’m confused – So i can meet one other person from another house hold with social distancing but I can’t see family that have self isolated for 8-10 weeks when I, myself have self isolated for 8+ weeks? How does this make any sense? I understand that people are confused, i am! I found out i can’t back to work today until at least July 4th – and the back log for stock is UNREAL… but thats another story.

“If you can work from home, do so, If you can’t work from home, go back to work”..

So let’s be honest here – theres no actual plan for going back to work is there? If you’re working class and you’re not rich, we’re all pretty fucked.

They’re sending school kids back first – to pre schools and nurseries? Please someone, explain this to me – because i know the first thing my niece and nephews do on a normal day (pre lock down) is run over to me and cuddle me – I’ve lost count of the amount of times they’d sneezed in my face and we’ve both screamed at the size of the slug hanging from their nose.. Like come on? Is this not the WORST age of people and mini human beings to be sent back first? Why are we using some of our most vulnerable people, that are scared, have just settled into a brand new routine – as guinea pigs?

Uni Students – Where do we start? My boyfriend and some of my best friends are uni students – and they’ve heard nothing. Literally – Nothing. They’re still having to pay hundreds of pounds in rent for somewhere that realistically, they can’t live right now. Why are landlords allowed to take money off them exactly? I’m confused, can someone explain to me if landlords have had to pay their mortgages, cause as far as i was aware (i could be wrong) but could they not get a mortgage holiday? But anyway, correct me if i’m wrong but i’ve worked with unis for 8-9 years now and 5 and a bit of those were directly with a uni – i was literally based there 80% of my time.. The people that attend uni.. ARE ADULTS. They’re not kids, like i get it, 4 months before they start uni, they’re putting their hand up in a class room and asking if they’re allowed to go to the toilet – but the difference from arriving to the end of term 1 (christmas) is unreal for like 90% of uni students.

How have they heard… NOTHING? They’re not even being mentioned? How is this possibly fair, have they not paid £9250 in tuition fees alone to learn in a classroom, not online?

So whats happening? Are they going into their 3rd / final year with an extra almost £15+k in debt if not more after fees, living, rent etc .. to learn online?

How is this fair? They deserve some respect and for someone to give them, not even a straight answer – but just to let them know that they haven’t been forgotten about.

I honestly think watching this Tory government dealing with a real crisis gives us an insight to what the Brexit negotiations look like. We’re all fucked and in huge trouble – and the worst part of it? The UK voted for it all – Thank you Brexiters.

I don’t for a second know what this guys going through, but do you not think that maybe, if he’d done his job to start with, We wouldn’t be in the place we are right now? – And there would be a hell of a lot more understanding?
He didn’t miss just 1 thing did he? He missed 5+ huge meetings..?

Boris Pal, Step down, I’m done with you and your absolute shambles with this & I’m honestly over it.

Feel free to give me your opinion with this, my inbox is always open.

B x

Motivation? What Motivation…?

Hey & welcome back to my little corner of the internet. Staying motivated at a time like this can be and seem incredibly difficult. ‘Working from home’ always seemed like such an exciting and nice idea, until it was forced upon us and a huge number of people, and staying motivated when you’re out of your comfort zone isn’t easy for any of us.

So whether you’re working from home, on furlough, are self-employed like myself or one of the key workers doing all you can to keep us going and to keep us safe – I hope this post might help you, or writing it may just be helping me – I’ve been working in events for 10+ years, running around and doing as much by myself rather than asking others for help, so no events is seeming pretty crazy for me. I also own a hair and beauty studio so i am self-employed too, my studio had to close at the start of the lock down and i’m really, really missing it. All this sounds good right? It is its amazing.. And you’ll be alarmed to learn and understand, that I absolutely do not have my shit together.

“Then why TF are you offering us advice?” – Lets be honest, i’m asking myself the same thing..

But anyway, heres my tips –

Okay that might sound simple. But when your normal routine is full on destroyed, creating a new is never going to be easy? So whether you’re working or not working, planning yourself a routine is super imporant. Imagine if you were working outside of your home you would (probably) have a set routine, right? I.e. when you wake up, when you start work, lunchtime etc. etc. (I don’t, i’m the worst, I forget to eat daily…) but hey lets give it ago.. right?

Bed Time – This is important (coming from the person thats been staying up until 5am-7am every night and then sleeping in until 10am-11am.. But try and set a bed time, it’s really important, not having a bed time can totally wipe you out for the next day and being tired is a really easy reason to let yourself become unproductive.
Water – I try my best to get up and drink a glass of water before doing anything else (although I smashed my water cup, and i’m now also failing at this..) Try to make yourself a drink of your choice before looking at your phone, social media or watching the TV. Starting the day with this helps you fell like you have some sort of control.
Work outs – I try and do home work outs from an app on my phone, between 3 and 5 a day. Each work out is between 4 and 8 minutes long, it really helps to wake you up. If you’re having a “bad” day, don’t push yourself. Theres no need.
Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner – Try and plan what you’re going to eat before hand. This is easier and again, makes you feel like you have some sort of control. It also makes shopping easier and you can look forward to making dishes and you could try new recipes too.
Tasks – Get shit done, whatever it is – no matter how big or small it may seem.
Breathe – finish your day and relax. Start that bed time routine whenever you feel ready and get yourself ready for the next day.

PLANS –

I use the notes on my phone and the little tick boxes.
I like making lists, everyone loves making lists right? No? Okay.. Just me!

I make lists every night of what i’m going to do the next day. Even stuff as small as getting up, having a shower, brush teeth etc – My Friday list consists of –

Wake Up
Work Out
Brush Teeth
Whiten Teeth
Shower
Fake Tan
Paint Nails
Do Hair
Do Make-Up
Walk
Come Home
Sort Snacks
Change Bed
Change into comfies / PJs
FaceTime friends / Watch Films / Netflix.

Seems like a really odd list right? Full of stuff I would just usually do anyway – but when you’ve ticked off all the boxes and complete the list – it’s kind of a weird sense of achievement and it helps you feel a lot better.

Fresh Air –

I can’t stress this enough. For someone who struggles with their mental health and anxiety – working from home, isolating myself has been something that i’ve really struggled with.

I’m used to running around, keeping myself busy – too busy to realise i’m anxious or nervous about things because I just have too much to do.

I’m sure whilst we’re all stuck at home, we’re all craving being outside, and although that isn’t possible right now in the way it used to be, it’s okay to miss it. Make the most of that hour that you’re free to excessise. Walk, Run, Jog, Skip, Jump, Drive? Just leave the house for a change of scenery. – I’ve really struggled with this, and in the 6 weeks i’ve been home i’ve probably only left the house a grand total of say 10 times max, probably not even that.. Even though i know i feel better when i’ve left for a walk or drive and come back, the anxiety to actually to that can become really overwhelming.

Cut yourself some slack –

We are only human, we’re not machines. You can’t just switch on and keep us on a repeat motion forever. Just don’t give yourself a hard time. We are all in this together, confused by completely unforeseen circumstances and what the future holds. It’s all about just trying to learn how to adjust.

I hope this helps even one of you, it’s helping me – It’s okay to be unproductive, productive, just be yourself and try your best, no one is asking anything more of you.

B xo

Comfort Food – Easy GF Lasagna

We’re back again in my little corner of the Internet!

Two posts in one day?! Shocking i know – but I found my easy lasagna recipe, so thought i’d share it with you as we’re all stuck inside (but safe inside) for a while!

I think a few of my posts are going to end up being food related as I don’t really have anything to do at the moment other than cook.. or watch Netflix?!

And the best part of this is, you can make it whenever during the day and just heat it up later on… Kind of means you can justify cooking it in PJ’s without thinking you’re secretly judging yourself too.. So anyway..

Ingredients

1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
2 garlic cloves, finely sliced
2 Bell Peppers
250g beef mince
1 tbsp tomato purée
400g tin chopped tomatoes
200ml beef stock
9-12 lasagne sheets (depending on the size of your baking dish)
50g Parmesan, grated
150g pack mozzarella, shredded

For the white sauce

50g butter
50g plain flour
550ml semi-skimmed milk
50g Paramesan

Method:

Cook the pasta sheets for 2 minutes each and place to the side.
In a large pan, heat the olive oil over a low heat. Fry the onion, peppers and garlic for 5 mins, or until softened. Add the mince and fry on a medium heat until golden. Stir in the tomato purée and chopped tomatoes and simmer for 15 mins, or until the liquid has reduced. Season with salt and pepper.
Whilst that simmers, make the white sauce. Melt the butter in a small saucepan over a low heat and add the flour. Whisk until combined and cook on low for 1-2 mins. Remove from the heat and gradually whisk in the milk and parmesan until you have a loose sauce. Season. Return to a gentle heat and whisk constantly until the sauce thickens.
Preheat the oven to gas 6, 200°C, fan 180°C. Layer up the lasagne in a baking dish, starting with a third each of the ragu, then the pasta sheets, then the white sauce. Repeat twice / 3 times.
Top with the Parmesan and mozzarella.
Then bake in the oven for 40-45 mins, until piping hot and crisp and bubbling on top.
Serve and enjoy!

It’s super easy and even better the next day as a left over!
It’s a pretty cheap dish to make too and can easily feed a lot of people so its win, win!

B x

You need a “Pizza” this brunch..

Hi hi hi, welcome back to my little corner of the internet!

As much as some of us moan, we have to admit gluten free options in supermarkets, shops and even eating out are A LOT better now then they were a few years ago, we’re not as left behind now – I’ve learnt to focus on what you can eat instead of what you can’t eat and changing your mind set really helps!

I grabbed this Gluten free pastry from Asda thinking it would break apart. I can make pastry but puff pastry takes SO LONG! And although i love everything pastry wise, the effort is real and unless you’ve really planned it, it’s not something you can just make really easily.

When I grabbed this gluten free puff pastry sheet i wasn’t really expecting much, but O-M-G it worked SO WELL!

Theres no need for a rolling pin either, as the sheet is ready to use and even comes complete with baking paper so you can pop it straight into the oven! – Even better right?

I defrosted mine, and laid it out on the baking tray in an attempt to make a brunch style pizza.. Not having a clue how it would turn out, but it was SO GOOD!

I diced and cooked some bacon and sausage, tomatoes (you can add mushrooms but i HATE mushrooms.. so i didn’t!) and layed them onto the pastry. Then i cracked 4 eggs onto the top, sprinkled cheese over and some fresh spring onion.

I then added egg wash (a beaten egg and milk) to the outside of the pastry and baked for 20 minutes.

The eggs were really fluffy and it was SO good and easy to do! I also ended up only using one pan so it was really tidy too and didn’t have too much washing up, it’s win, win!

Give it a go, and let me know what you think!

B x

“Make my body your canvas.. I’ve got love and you can have it.”

First blog post in the “Almost 30” blog post group..

I’ve decided to add the “Almost 30” blog posts to my blog purely because i think the jump from 29 – 30 is a huge leap and to be totally honest with you – I am absolutely shitting myself. Lets not bite around the bush here, I am terrified.

I also make terrible choices, so heres the start of putting them on the internet, because why not?

I turned 29 in February and i don’t know if it’s because I work with students part time, or because i thought i would have achieved more by now, but i honestly think theirs a midlife crisis coming..
When i was a kid i always said i’d never get tattoos, i’d have babies and be married by the time i was 25 max.. now i’m 29, out of a long term relationship, back at my mums for a year or 18 months, 0 kids and absolutely not getting married anytime soon..

Oh and i’m 99 tattoos down and planning my 100th..

Luckily i work for myself full time and my part time job, my team are super laid back about it and don’t mind them at all because of the industry that we’re in.

The rest of it doesn’t bug me much, but do i regret my tattoos? Absolutely.
I don’t know if is because we’re on lock down and i’m scrolling through instagram and social media more, but oh my god.. i am regretting absolutely all of them.

I can honestly say, if i could go back in time i would and i’d never, ever had one..
I’m tired. I’m tired of being judged for them, i’m 5’4 and a bit in height, i scream at my own reflection if i’ve not brushed my hair before bed and see my reflection in the morning.. I couldn’t fight myself with a pillow, let alone anyone else – i’m the furthest thing away from a ‘thug’ you can think of. Although saying that, i have a sharp tongue, but i’m female.. don’t we all?

I guess what i’m trying to say is, think before you ink. All these programmes like “Just tattoo of us” are so stupid. I never thought i’d say this; even just a few years ago – but oh my god, they’re so stupid! Why would you want someone elses designs on you for the rest of your life?

Your body is so precious. Stop looking at tattoo designs on google, NO good artist will do exactly the same design as what you take in if you’ve found it on google – and if they will? You need to find a new artist.
Tattoos are on your skin forever, i’m at the point that my hands, legs, arms etc are all covered, so yes i’m planning my 100th tattoo. Purely because my logic is, i’m already covered, so whats the point in not carrying on?
I’ll be the first to admit that some of my artwork is awful – I went to a tattoo shop to have one of my hands tattooed and the artist that was doing it bitched about a picture on one of my sleeves – forgetting he did this tattoo himself a few years ago – awkward was an understatement.

I guess what i’m trying to say is, when your mum, dad, granny, cousin twice removed tells you not to get a tattoo – it’s not because they’re being difficult, it turns out that maybe sometimes, adults and people older than you, do know best. If you’re dead set on it and getting one, make sure you sit and think about it properly realise this really is going to be on your skin for the rest of your life. You WILL get judged, 2020 or not.

I’ve got to meet new people in a few weeks, and i’m absolutely terrified, i don’t want to be judged because of bad choices or not exactly bad choices, but choices i should have thought more about when i was younger.

Although 80%+ of my generation are all going to look the same when were older, with tattoos in our elderly people homes.. we’re going to be the most colourful generation out there – I guess thats a positive?

But no, seriously, think before you ink, this stuff really is there forever. I wish i could wear pretty dresses, and not worry about looking too OTT because of my ink.. But hey, i guess it really is there forever, so plain dresses for the win, right?!

B x

Date Night – Covid 19 Style..

Hey hey hey,

Just a super quick blog post.. not even written on my MacBook, just my phone!

Welcome back to my little corner of the internet. Has anyone else totally forgot what day of the week it is? I have.. I was convinced it was Friday today!?

With the news of lock down being atleast another 3 weeks (minimum) .. We’re having date night tonight.. via FaceTime.. because #StayHome #StaySafe is so important right now..

So… I spent a couple of hours picking films, got snacks, and made a check list..

Made a check list.. and went through film types.. Although I didn’t have a jar.. so this cup is going to have to do.. Date night outfit choices were always going to be different.. He even put a shirt on!I did what I do best and just wore fresh pjs and a crop top.. went through our check list and now we’re good to go..

Ok so, it’s not the best date night.. but we’re over an hour away from each other, we both made effort – so I’m giving it a 10/10!

Love,

B x

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Elect a clown – Expect a Circus.

B x

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PLANS –

Fresh Air –

Cut yourself some slack –

B xo

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We’re back again in my little corner of the Internet!

B x

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Hi hi hi, welcome back to my little corner of the internet!

B x

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But no, seriously, think before you ink, this stuff really is there forever. I wish i could wear pretty dresses, and not worry about looking too OTT because of my ink.. But hey, i guess it really is there forever, so plain dresses for the win, right?!

B x

Let's get social.

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